one hundred and twenty-seven

Best bit of advice I've read today:

'Don’t worry if you don’t marry the first dude you fall truly and deeply for because no one ever does.'

I will forget; it is impossible to maintain the intensity of emotions once they're past. I know this because I am already forgetting, and it terrifies me. Nothing is permanent, nothing - even sturdy rock can disappear with the wind or sea - but it is nice to pretend it is.

Even if that amounts to setting yourself up for a fall.

one hundred and one

I have started to notice people on my commute, or walking round the market on my lunch break - though I haven't quite reached the smiling-at-attractive-strangers point, yet. It feels good.

Tonight I am listening to The National (late to the party, but how amazing is High Violet?) and writing the letters and emails I have put off for too long (as well as watching Glee. Yes, I know). Is there much better than getting something through the post?

My wonderful friend Jennie sent the biggest bunch of white roses and a fruit (plus yellow pepper and goblet) basket to my office on Valentine's Day; it made the day beautiful. Sometime all the hollywood focus on finding The One makes me forget that friendships are just as crucial. Romance isn't the only thing worth having.

ninety-six

I should have known, when he said he wanted to be with me but quoted a song about love that won't work, in spite of everything.

ninety-two

I am bored of distractions. I miss him.

Sometimes in the half-awake morning I imagine I see his hair curled on the pillow next to mine.

I have been listening to a mixture of love songs (hopeful for a person whose idea of love does not leave me diminished) and melancholy ones (because it must be my fault). I am very tired.

eighty-nine

Turner, Margate (?), from the Sea

Sarah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ben Cranke, Storm riders

Why go home when you'd rather see me?
Feels like all my heart can do now is bleed
We should go down to the sea